THIS SHIT IS MISERABLE I’VE BEEN SICK FOR AN HOUR AND IT’S ALMOST 3AM AND I’M SO TIRED. UGHHHHHHH.

Lesson 1: Determining whether or not you are allergic to wheat/gluten.

THIS.

I’ve been sitting in Barnes and Noble for hours (about 3.5, to be precise).

People come and go, and I tend to focus on the ones that stay. I’ve always been a people-watcher, fascinated with the lives of others. And as I sit here, I’ve created stories for each of them, wondering what their lives are like, how they live…and the most fascinating one to me, is the love story unfolding in front of me. The cute barista with the younger looking coworker, who is not working. This is my, probably, 10th straight day here and she comes in often to visit when she isn’t working. Why? The preoccupation with the cute barista who IS working seems to be what’s happening. Then I try to justify it to myself, “Well, I’ve visited my workplaces when I wasn’t working…sometimes for HOURS”. But I can’t help but feel like this is more than that. Then it happens, it hits me, like a ton of bricks. Jealousy. Pure, unescapable jealousy of the shittiest kind. Who am I to be jealous of this? And yet I can’t help but watch, and wonder, and be depressed about it. Earlier, a couple came in and they sat at the table across from me, giggling lightly and being playful. Next to them, another couple, clearly they’ve been dating a while…They don’t look at each other, they don’t speak much about anything. They’ve succumbed to the boring, dull, mundane life that is “a long term relationship”, I think. But why? Why are they like this? Why does the lightheartedness, the passion, the giggles, have to end? Why do people allow it to end? Then the jealousy comes back. I am bored to death, and I’m not even in a relationship. I don’t need a relationship, I want one. I want the closeness, the stolen glances, the love and affection…So now here I am, watching the cute barista, the non-working girl (and her mother) sitting together at a table, and I wonder…what’s going on here? My mind is racing, I’m distracted, I should be doing homework and instead I’m pissed. And alone. And pissed that I’m alone. When’s it my turn? Where’s my love-story? A friend of mine keeps telling me, “It’s coming, it’s coming…don’t worry, it’ll happen. You’ll find someone.” And yet, here I am…24. Single. Forever Alone. About to cry for a not-very-good-reason-to-cry.

And on top of that, this is the most boring shit to study right now…So now, in the end, FML. Fin.

[edit] It’s official. And so are they. aksangiwhglsdknganiasndglksignskdhgiadgaskghis

I don’t even have a reason to be upset. But I am. I hate my lifeee.